I haven't felt the desire to bare my soul to the universe for almost 2 months. I don't really have anything to bare right now, either, except that I'm alone in my apartment, cozy in a grey sweatshirt, listening to cozy indie music and procrastinating my genetics homework.
So the summer was an interesting one. I learned a lot, most especially how to turn down the worrying in my mind. (I know it's sad, because I still worry a lot. But I've really improved drastically). Now I am trying to keep the worrying down while having about 10,000 more things that I have to do. Classes are pretty intense this semester, and half the time I feel like I am the intellectual inferior of everyone there. I am taking an O Chem lab, Genetics, Anatomy, a CS Lewis class, a couple of dance classes, and a religion class. In Anatomy I feel like everyone has the procedure down to a T and I am flailing around trying to stuff all these terms into my little brain. But I keep getting better every week, so hopefully by the end of this semester I will have it figured out enough to earn an A. Dance is also kind of intimidating. I had my first test today, the Chacha. The moves are pretty tough, and it is all I can do just to finish them. When I got my comment sheet all the feedback was negative... but it was still very constructive, so hopefully I can learn from this test and do better in the class from now on. I feel pretty overwhelmed with school but I am trying to remember that first of all, grades are not everything. I can get into pharmacy school somewhere, even if it isn't my first choice. And anyway, life doesn't mean much if there isn't some joy thrown in there.
And along that vein... despite the stress (it's really only been hovering around me the last three days or so) I have definitely been able to find a lot more joy this semester. I think it comes from trusting in the Lord and also just allowing myself to have more fun. I am meeting amazing people and doing things that I used to think I was just too busy for, like intramurals. (My kickball team won in an AWESOME game on Wednesday night! I am so excited about it I keep telling everyone what happened). I am not spending every weeknight in the library, and even when I do have to study til midnight I do it among friends. Which is a much better idea because then sometimes I get a back rub into the bargain.
All in all... life is not perfect. There are many things that I'm not sure how I will handle at this point. But in life you can always find something to complain about, and you can always find something to smile about. You just have to choose. I think I'll choose smiling. :)
10 months ago