new year's resolutions

1. Weigh 125 pounds and maintain it. Everyone has to have a weight goal for New Years, right? I am almost happy with my weight but could be a little more in shape so there ya go.
2. Be able to run 5 miles without stopping to walk. This one might take a little more work.
3. Do 1 scrapbook page a week. I am now about 2.87 years behind... possibly more. I know I'll never really catch up but I figure I have a better chance now that I am single than I will when I am married and have little kidlets running around... or when I am in pharmacy school and ISU has eaten my soul. So, I am going to work on it. Yay.
4. Not swearing for the whole entire year. Now, don't get me wrong. Swearing is not a usual occurrence or anything, and I can count the number of people who have heard me swear on one hand. But I figure I might as well try to be perfect in it instead of slipping up every couple of months. Especially in the car. Haha.
5. Be sweet under pressure. OK, this isn't really a measurable goal but yesterday at Chili's my dad was talking to us about what we could work on to be better people. He told me that I was very "What you see is what you get." This is actually something I kind of like about myself. However, when I am in a bad mood, usually because of stress or feeling tired or sick, I act stressed or tired or sick. I don't ever try to dumb it down for people, and this is not a good thing. It's easy to be nice to people when I feel good about the world... so now I am going to try (harder) to be nice to people when I feel badly about things.

"I need these. Beware!!" - Mom, brandishing a fistful of tampons at my dad.

"That song is inappropriate. Remove it from your ipod." - the one and only Jace Johns

taking pictures of us girls in our sweaters

"Love me, love me. Now hate me, John, hate me." - John Tucker Must Die

"This is a retarded-free zone!" - Jenna
"No, this is a freely retarded zone!" - Mom

"Look how not huge you don't look." - Mom

more quote wall

"When he hugs you, he internalizes you" -Grandpa Johns, in reference to my cousin Matt. Don't know why that one was so funny, but we laughed really hard. :)

quote wall for my LIFE!!

Yesterday everyone kept saying funny things, and I couldn't help missing the quote walls I have had with some of my roommates over the years. The thing is that now I wouldn't know where to put it since it features most of the people I know and love. :) So I am putting it on this blog, since I don't use it for much else. Expect updates.

"If this thing falls off the vacuum again, I am going to swear!!" - Mom. (The thing did fall off again, about eight times, and she kicked it across the room).

"Why are you laughing?" -Me
"I'm not laughing, I'm hyperventilating." -Scott (Studying for molecular biology)

OK, and now that I have finally sat down to do this, I can't remember anymore! So I guess I will have to add to it as I remember them.

So, it's been a while.

I haven't felt the desire to bare my soul to the universe for almost 2 months. I don't really have anything to bare right now, either, except that I'm alone in my apartment, cozy in a grey sweatshirt, listening to cozy indie music and procrastinating my genetics homework.

So the summer was an interesting one. I learned a lot, most especially how to turn down the worrying in my mind. (I know it's sad, because I still worry a lot. But I've really improved drastically). Now I am trying to keep the worrying down while having about 10,000 more things that I have to do. Classes are pretty intense this semester, and half the time I feel like I am the intellectual inferior of everyone there. I am taking an O Chem lab, Genetics, Anatomy, a CS Lewis class, a couple of dance classes, and a religion class. In Anatomy I feel like everyone has the procedure down to a T and I am flailing around trying to stuff all these terms into my little brain. But I keep getting better every week, so hopefully by the end of this semester I will have it figured out enough to earn an A. Dance is also kind of intimidating. I had my first test today, the Chacha. The moves are pretty tough, and it is all I can do just to finish them. When I got my comment sheet all the feedback was negative... but it was still very constructive, so hopefully I can learn from this test and do better in the class from now on. I feel pretty overwhelmed with school but I am trying to remember that first of all, grades are not everything. I can get into pharmacy school somewhere, even if it isn't my first choice. And anyway, life doesn't mean much if there isn't some joy thrown in there.

And along that vein... despite the stress (it's really only been hovering around me the last three days or so) I have definitely been able to find a lot more joy this semester. I think it comes from trusting in the Lord and also just allowing myself to have more fun. I am meeting amazing people and doing things that I used to think I was just too busy for, like intramurals. (My kickball team won in an AWESOME game on Wednesday night! I am so excited about it I keep telling everyone what happened). I am not spending every weeknight in the library, and even when I do have to study til midnight I do it among friends. Which is a much better idea because then sometimes I get a back rub into the bargain.

All in all... life is not perfect. There are many things that I'm not sure how I will handle at this point. But in life you can always find something to complain about, and you can always find something to smile about. You just have to choose. I think I'll choose smiling. :)

more natural highs

Maybe this blog will just be an ode to natural highs... anyway I was talking to Caitlin and we have some more.

*Running through the sprinklers
*When you have lots and lots of marshmallows in your Lucky Charms.
*Discovering a good conversationalist
*Kamila Shamsie's language construction
*Staying up until three in the morning with good friends
*Doing something awesome for the first time! (Yesterday: first baseball game, first drive-in movie)
*Chacha (The dance, not the cell phone service)
*Loving life

Le fin. Pour maintenant.

natural highs

My friend Caitlin and I have lately been classifying things as "natural highs." You know, those small and simple things that just make life beautiful. We've been talking about making a list for a little while, and I thought I would just make a list of my own personal natural highs. :)

*swinging
*looking at the stars
*when the sky is completely blue with no clouds
*wearing Rock and Republic Jeans :)
*mochi
*the smell of lilacs
*Indian food
*reading a line in a book where the words are just beautiful and flow like poetry
*certain jazz chords... mmmmm
*anticipation
*sinking into your pillow after being exhausted
*getting a text message
*being told you're beautiful
*Marshmallow Mateys + whipped cream = bliss
*love
*friends
*being invited somewhere
*eye contact
*hitting a clean F chord on the guitar
*cooking something delicious
*doing things for other people, even when you are busy
*looking at the screen at the testing center and seeing "good job" next to your score
*being on time
*a really good chick flick. :)
*waking up and realizing you have a few hours left to sleep
*eating chocolate
*dancing

I could probably go on forever, but I have to get ready. Just writing this list was a natural high, haha.

good quote

Someone had this on their facebook, and as I am trying to develop the character trait of charity I liked it a lot. :)

You can't give joy to someone else, but you can find it by trying.

Can I just say...

It's been an amazing day. :-D

good perspective.

I am reading this for my Humanities 202 class and I thought it offered a good way to maintain an eternal perspective.

All nature is but art, unknown to thee;
All chance, direction, which thou canst not see;
All discord, harmony not understood;
All partial evil, universal good:
And, spite of pride in erring reason’s spite,
One truth is clear, whatever is, is right.

This is from the Essay on Man by Alexander Pope. I think it is just a good reminder that no matter what is happening in life, and no matter how wrong it feels at the time, everything is working for a greater purpose.

when one door closes, another door opens.

Cliche of all cliches. But this one actually makes me feel better. A big part of my life (and especially my heart) is missing right now. There is definitely a lot of emptiness in my soul, and a lack of understanding as to why these things have to happen. But at the same time, I have the faith that they are happening for a reason, even if the reason is unclear to me. And I know that although this chapter of my life is ending, the story isn't over. One thing that I have noticed over the last few years is the way life turns out is NEVER what I expect. The things that I do and the people that I interact with are not things that I imagined when I was younger. But in a lot of ways, this is a good thing. So although I know the road to the unimagined, wonderful things that are awaiting me will be paved with a lot of unimagined, sad things, this isn't the end of the world.

hope.

It has been a bad day. :( But one thing that I have been reminded of today is that I need to hope for the best no matter what is happening. Because sometimes (often) (maybe always) life will surprise us, and things will be ok.

And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also, knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience, and experience, hope; And hope maketh not ashamed because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
Romans 5:3-5

finals = done

I took my final for Microbiology 221 today, and I got an A. It's so good to have a nice taste in your mouth at the end of the semester, instead of wishing that you'd put in a little more time or worked a little harder (or cursing your schedule because more time just wasn't physically possible). Too bad I have approximately zero easy classes left in my undergrad career.

I have to say though, the Testing Center is a total zoo. The thing that bugs me the most is when I am sitting at the desk and someone is standing right next to me, so close I constantly bump them as I am trying to write, because there are no seats. I think the TC should not let additional people in when all the seats are full. Better to wait outside in a nice, open area than to be penned up with hundreds of stressed out people, some of whose futures are riding on the line (whoever said "it's only a test" has never been to college).

But that's ok... it is all over now. Until Tuesday, when summer starts. :) Now I can just relax, do cleaning checks, and not think about microorganisms or conservation of energy.

jumping on the bandwagon

I've experimented with blogs for a long time, either with private online journals that no one had access to, or travel logs like when I went to France, and even a couple of sites where I would publish poetry and other weird stuff from those angsty high school days, haha. But I have decided I am going to be just like everyone else and try this out! We'll see how it goes.

And with that little introduction I just have to say that life is so good right now! (A huge statement coming from me during finals week!) Here are just a few of the amazing things about life right now:
*My schedule was pretty easy for spring term, and I have had my first chance to really relax in about a year.
*I have great roommates and a great ward, and I have had the chance to reconnect with a lot of friends this spring (amazing what not having a packed schedule will do for your social life).
*I have a challenging but interesting job.
*I'm dating an amazing guy.
*I have a lot of exciting opportunities this summer (starting research and taking a guitar class, yay!).
*The church is true!
*The mountains in Utah are amazing in the summer! (And I have time to hike in them!)
*I'm going home in two days for the weekend
*I'm going to California in a week
*I'm going to Oregon in two weeks
So basically... life is great. :)

And now... I have to go back to studying for that Microbiology final.