Thursday, April 15, 2010

waxing philosophical

And we now interrupt Lorren's studying for the bioethics exam with a few philosophical musings of her own...

I have been thinking the past few days about "the ideal." I have in my mind what would be the best, most enjoyable version of life. I'm not thinking so much about the things that you do but just the feeling of happiness that you get from life. (This is probably not going to make a lot of sense, because I have been in the library for the last seven hours and my brain has become incoherent in all things except bioethics and statistics. Those I've got for the next 24 hours until I regurgitate them onto the scantron. OK, end of brief aside). Anyway, I have had that feeling of perfection a handful of times (usually in the summer). I have seen what looks like the personification of that perfection in pictures of my friends. I have felt it in retrograde - maybe I didn't feel it at the time, but when I look back I feel it (think Jamie Cullum - "When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life, I see so much magic though I missed it at the time"). Sometimes I feel sad that I can't hang onto that feeling all the time. It makes me feel kind of depressed, like I am failing and if I could just try a little to hang on to those moments, I would be living in this perfect life. I know cognitively that isn't true, but sometimes my heart hopes for it a little bit. Anyway the point of all this is that I'm realizing it isn't true. Just like the best people have days where they can be total jerks, the best lives have imperfect moments. It isn't about having those moments all the time, it's about recognizing them when they come.

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